Being in a relationship with someone that has Avoidant Personality requires commitment. It is a level of commitment that goes way above and beyond anything else.
If you are married to the Avoidant, then you need to count the cost of staying with them. God warned us about counting to cost of being a disciple in Luke 14: 25-34. Now God was certainly not proposing hating your father, mother, wife or children in these versus. What He was doing was painting a picture of the level of commitment that would be required in order to be a disciple.
Being married to an Avoidant requires this same level of commitment. When my wife and I 1st married in Round 1, she did not know I was an Avoidant, so she did not know she needed this commitment.
After several years, she finally had enough and cried out to God in desperation. God answered her, and gave her a vision of what Avpd was and the severe pain I was in.
She was then able to have empathy for me and my condition. Unfortunately, it was probably too little too late, and we divorced anyway.
Then came Round 2 of our marriage. She is now committed to staying with me. I am on the road to healing, but there are still times when the Avoidant tries to reemerge. When this happens, the only thing my wife can turn to is the commitment that she made to stick it out.
This commitment is more like a calling than anything else that you might have committed to in your life. When things go bad in your marriage, as they will from time to time, the commitment that you make is at times the only thing you can fall back on and stand firm on.
If you don't have this level of commitment, you are going to be in trouble.
If you are not married to the one with Avpd, then it comes down to a simple choice.
You can choose to stay with them, or you can choose to walk away.
This is one reason why marriage is so important. Without it, you have no reason to stay. Marriage provides the commitment, security and vows that you took before God to stick it out for better, or for worse
If you care about that person enough, I encourage you to not walk. Being in a relationship with someone that has Avpd is tough, but it just might be the best job you will ever end up loving.
If you are not yet married to the Avoidant, I encourage you to count the cost.
See the scripture above in the Marriage section.
The Avoidant is dealing with some serious issues that need to be dealt with before entering into marriage.
They do not have to be totally healed, but they should at the very minimum have admitted to their self, to God, and to you, that they need help, be working with someone on their Avoidant issues, and be on the road to healing.
My wife and I survived going into marriage not having my Avoidance dealt with, but if not for the grace of God, and His plan for us, we would not have made it.
My story of success with Avpd and marriage is not a common one.
The divorce rate for a normal marriage is around 50%, which means you would have a 5 in 10 shot of having a successful marriage.
Take a Normal and an Avoidant marriage, and you are talking about a divorce rate closer to around 90%. That means that for every 10 marriages of an Avoidant to a Normal, 9 of those will end in Divorce, or by other means, and 1 will make it !!
If you know that the person you are wanting to marry is an Avoidant, I strongly recommend that they get help before you consider walking down that isle !
Avoidant Personality Research & Teaching Center
PO Box 1471 Eagle Idaho 83616
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