In A Relationship With Someone That Has Avoidant Personality

When I founded this Center, the main purpose I had in mind was to speak to those that have Avoidant Personality, and offer them help and hope.

Then I came to the realization that Normals that are trying to be in a successful relationship with someone that has Avpd, are just as, if not more, effected by Avpd than the actual person that has the disorder.

A case in point for this was my poor wife of 15 years. During Round 1 of our marriage, I was a full-on Avoidant. I treated her very badly and was a jerk.

I was struggling with my Avoidance and hurting a lot. I never thought though about how it was effecting her. Now that I am on the other side, and we are now happily married in (Round 2), I realize that she was hurting just as much as I was because she had no idea what to do to help me. 

How she hung on for 15 years I have no idea, but she did. 

What I have done on this page is give you a lot of symptoms that she had and endured during that 15 years of LIVING WITH AN AVOIDANT.

In most cases, the assumption is that you are married to the person with Avpd. If you are just friends, or unmarried, then you have a choice to make. 

Is the person important enough to you to stay , or will you choose to walk away?

Symptoms & Issues Normals Face Living With An Avoidant


You Feel Depressed

Living with someone that has Avoidant Personality is hard. In fact, it is beyond hard. Probably the hardest thing you will ever do.

Emotionally, Physically, and Spiritually, it can drain every ounce of energy and hope that you have.

What can result is a deep depression because there just seems to be no hope and no way out. 


You Feel Anxiety

There is tremendous Anxiety because you cant see any way to help your mate, This can cause huge amounts of stress to the point that your body can start developing lots of problems.

My wife developed an Ulcer, and had to go to the Hospital for Diverticulitis. In fact, she almost died from it. This was all caused by having to deal with someone with Avpd.


You Feel Like You Are Stuck Or Trapped

The marriage that you thought was going to be safe, and happy, and your every after fairy tale has turned into a nightmare.

You feel like you are trapped and there is no way out.


You Feel Frustrated

 You might feel frustrated because there is nothing they can do to help the Avoidant. Your life is a maze or worry and doubt and nothing helps.


You Feel Angry

You get angry at everything, but especially your spouse and situation. 

  • How did this happen to you? 
  • What did you do to deserve this mess that you are in?


You Are Confused

You are confused by God, by your mate that has Avoidant Personality Disorder that you put your hopes and dreams in, and your lack of options


You Feel Guilty

You feel like this is all your fault. There must have been something you did wrong to bring this on. 

Or maybe you did not do something right and this is your punishment!


You Feel Desperate

You feel like you are drowning and there is no one that can help


You Feel Hatred Towards Your Mate

You lash out at your mate and others because its the only way that you can get through to them

You have grown to hate them because they dont listen and you feel like they will never change


You Mistrust God

God brought this person in your life, and God is the one that had you marry them. 

That means that God is responsible for this mess so you no longer can trust him!


You Make Excuses

You make excuses to family and friends for the endless get-togethers that you had to cancel because your Avoidant mate was too tired, too lazy, or just plain did not want to go.


You Feel Like You Have To Be The Buffer

Your Avoidant mate gets so angry that you have to be a buffer between them and your kids.

Additional Issues


You Feel Responsible

You feel responsible for your mate that has Avoidant Personality Disorder (Avpd).

If you should decide to leave them, what will happen to them? Either they have told you that if you leave, the will take their life, or you just know this to be true from your knowing them. You feel responsible to not let that happen so you stay no matter the pain it causes you.


There is No Intimacy In Your marriage

There is so much pain, hurt, anger, and distance between you are your Avoidant mate, that you cant have any intimacy at all


You Feel Like God Can Do Anything BUT This

You have read in the Bible, and you know that God can do anything. 

"God can do anything, you know - far more  than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!  He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his  Spirit deeply and gently within us."                         

Ephesians 3:20

"For nothing will be impossible with God."

Luke 1:37

But if this is really true, why Cant God Fix My Marriage!!!!


You Feel Like A Failure

I feel like a failure. My marriage is failing and there seems to be nothing I can do about it


You Feel Betrayed By Your Spouse

When my wife married me, in round 1, she had no idea I was an Avoidant. In fact, she never even heard of it.

So after things started going wrong, which did not take very long, she felt betrayed.

She literally felt that I had kicked her off a cliff. She did not sign up for having to deal with someone that had a mental condition, nor did she want to !



Things have gotten so bad that I have even thought about Suicide. 


Below Are Many Things That May Help

Coaching Sessions
We offer couching sessions. In these sessions, ask anything you wish. We will work with you to find the path you need to overcome Avoidant Personality.  

The book is not ready just yet, but when it is, it will help you by giving you real examples from Phillip's life, and then follow that up with practical teachings and ways you can deal with Avoidant Personality.

Advocare are the Happy Pills that I found that helped me tremendously. They do not cure Avodance, but they did take the edge off from my Avodance.