Avoidant Personality Research Center

This is part 3 of "How to Live with someone that has Avoidant Personality Disorder" (aka Avpd or Antisocial Personality Disorder). 

In the last part, we talked about what an Avoidant is. It is only with this understanding on who they really are, and what they are going through, that you will gain empathy for them, have an understating of their struggles, and really truly want to help them. This will also help you be able to tolerate all the pain and hardships in your life.

As one with Avpd, my tendency is to take the side of the one with Avpd, because I know just how hard it is for them. After all, I lived it. At the same time, I am very empathetic to the Normal because I put my poor wife through the wringer for 15 years, so I know what she went through and how hard it was.

According to statistics, around 1/2 of all marriages will end in divorce. This is a general statistic talking about 2 Normal people. When you add on top of that someone that has Avpd, that failure rate goes up dramatically. Instead of a 50% failure rate, the chances of  a success marriage of a Normal to an Avoidant goes up to a whopping 75% to 90%.

For the sake of this blog, I will call these sorts of marriages "Mixed Marriages" because you are trying to mix a Normal with an Avoidant. My wife used to call us "Oil and Water". As you have probably been told, or may have experienced, Oil and Water don't mix.

Actually this is incorrect though. Oil and Water do mix. To accomplish this just requires a tremendous amount of effort. 

Want to test this for yourself?

Find yourself a mason jar and put a cup of cooking oil in the jar, then fill it to the top with water. You will notice that the oil stays at the bottom of the jar, because its way heavier than water. The oil and water will stay divided and wont mix even if you stir it with a spoon, or shake it.

Next shake the jar vigorously for about 2 minutes. You will find that the water and oil is still divided, but a little less so.

Now shake the jar for 5 to 10 minutes as hard as you can. Then look at the water and oil and you will find they are now what is called "Entrained". This basically means the water and oil are now incorporated and will function as one.

If you look hard, you will still be able to see the oil drops, but the drops are very small, and they are all no longer all gathered in 1 spot. Now the oil drops are all scattered inside the water in the jar and are actually a part of it!

Making a mixed marriage between a Normal and an Avoidant will work, but it is going to require a lot of hard work!