Living with someone that has Avoidant Personality
When we started Avoidant Personality Research Center, our main purpose was to speak to those that have Avoidant Personality, offering them help and hope. Then we came to the realization that Loved Ones are greatly affected by AVP as well. When Loved Ones are in a relationship with someone with Avoidant Personality, they sometimes suffer worse than the one with AVP!
Phillip's wife suffered because of his condition for 15 years. During Round One of his marriage, he was a full-on Avoidant. He treated his wife very badly and was a jerk.
He was struggling with his AVP and hurting her a lot. He never thought about how it was affecting her. However, now he has found the Path to Recovery and he is happily married again (Round Two).
The section below provides a list of issues that Loved Ones cope with when living with someone with AVP. In most cases, the assumption is that you are married to the person with AVP. If you are just friends, or unmarried, then you have a choice to make: stay and deal with the issues, or step away?
You may face one or all of these issues below.
You Feel Depressed
Living with someone that has Avoidant Personality can be very difficult. It can drain every ounce of energy and hope that you have—emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
What can result is a deep depression because there just seems to be no hope and no way out.
You Feel Anxiety
There is tremendous anxiety because you cannot see any way to help your significant other. This can cause huge amounts of stress, even to the point that your body can start developing physical and emotional issues.
Phillip’s wife became so stressed that she developed an ulcer and had to go to the hospital for diverticulitis. She almost died from it. This was all caused by having to deal with someone with AVP.
You Feel Like You Are Stuck Or Trapped
The marriage that you thought was going to be safe and happy—like a fairy tale—has instead turned into a nightmare.
You feel like you are trapped and there is no way out.
You Feel Frustrated
You feel frustrated because there is nothing that you can do to help your partner that has AVP. Your life is a maze of worry and doubt and nothing seems to help.
You Feel Angry
You get angry at everything, but especially at your spouse and situation.
- How did this happen to you?
- What did you do to deserve this mess that you are in?
You Are Confused
You are confused by your partner that has AVP. Your hopes and dreams seem to be fading, and you seem to have no options.
You Feel Guilty
You feel like your failing relationship is all your fault. There must have been something you did wrong to bring this on.
Maybe you did not do something right, and this is your punishment!
You Feel Desperate
You feel like you are drowning, and there is no one that can help.
You Feel Hatred
You have grown to hate your significant other because they don’t listen, and you feel like they will never change.
You Make Excuses
You make excuses to your family and friends for the endless social gatherings that you had to miss because your partner that has Avoidant Personality was too tired, too lazy, or just plain did not want to go.
You Feel Like You Have To Be The Buffer
Your partner that has AVP gets so angry that you feel you have to be a buffer between them and your kids.
You Feel Responsible
You feel responsible for your significant other that has Avoidant Personality. If you decide to leave them, what will happen to them? Maybe they have told you that if you leave, they will take their own life.
You feel responsible to not let that happen, so you stay no matter the pain it causes you.
There Is No Intimacy
There is so much pain, hurt, anger, and distance between you and your partner, that you cannot have any intimacy at all.
You Feel Like A Failure
You feel like a failure. Your relationship is failing and there seems to be nothing you can do about it.
You Feel Betrayed By Your Spouse
When Phillip’s wife married him, in Round 1, she had no idea he suffered from AVP. In fact, she never even heard of it.
After things started going wrong (which did not take very long) she felt betrayed.
She literally felt that he had kicked her off a cliff. She did not sign up for having to deal with someone that had a mental condition, nor did she want to!
You Turn To Addictive Behaviors For Relief
It is pretty common for someone that is facing these enormous stresses to turn to addictive behaviors like:
- Food (Overeating)
- Alcoholism
- Drug Abuse
- Sex
- Gambling
- Internet or Gaming Addiction
- Smoking
- Becoming a Workaholic
Suicide
Maybe things have even got so bad that you have thought about suicide. Don't do it!
Suicide prevention hotline
800-273-8255
Our bodies are not meant to deal with these intense issues on a regular basis. Eventually, the stressed-out body and mind will start to break down and develop illnesses.
Phillip’s wife ended up in the hospital and almost died. His wife lived with him as the one with AVP, and went through all of the above troubles for 15 years. They had to divorce, and Phillip had to go to the hospital before he got help.
Phillip had to lose it all and hit ‘rock bottom’ before he woke up and sought help.
