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Should I Love an Avoidant?

One of the biggest questions that we get is; 


Should I enter into a relationship with someone that has Avoidant Personality, or should I move on?


There are many things to take into consideration before making this decision. 


Should I, or Shouldn't I? That is the Question?

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This is a partial quote from Shakespeare when he pondered the question ; To Be Or Not To Be, That is the question. 


It also brings to mind a French film about a young lady that was pondering the question about a guy she loved. To make the decision as to his love for her. or not for her, she picked petals from a daisy.


When it comes to the question about entering into a relationship with an Avoidant, this must be taken much more seriously and you must count the cost!

Counting the Cost

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There are several things to consider when trying to decide if you should enter into a relationship with someone that has Avoidant Personality.


The main one is; 


How committed are you to Him or Her?


This will depend greatly on if you are considering entering into relationship as Husband and wife, or boyfriend and girlfriend.


In either instance though, there is going to be a cost to you, and you need to count that cost BEFORE you enter into the relationship!

Commitment

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I covered a lot of this on the page called Commitment Required, so I am not going to cover this again. I suggest that you go through that page thoroughly and take it seriously.


If you are not prepared to make this level of commitment, then I suggest that entering into the relationship is probably not right, and is not going to work because you will do more harm than good to the Avoidant.


The person with Avoidance needs this level of security and commitment from you.


If you are not prepared for this, the chances of you making it are slim and none. 

YOU cant fix the Avoidant

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When my wife and I went through Round 1 of our married life, it was not a fun time at all. I put my wife and daughter through hell for 15 years, because I was too stubborn and scared to get help.


My wife did not know the severity of my condition, and I did not tell her about it before we got married. She stuck it out for 15 years because she did not want to endure the stigma of divorce, and she did not want to put our daughter through a divorce.


She also thought that she could fix me


Many women fall victim to this way of thinking. They enter into a relationship with a guy seeing their faults, but thinking that they can fix them.


90 to 95% of Avoidants are men. 


When it comes to someone with Avoidant Personality, this inability to fix them is magnified by a 1000%. You cannot fix the person with Avoidant Personality!


If you try, chances are that you will only make things worse. The Avoidant needs someone to talk to that understands what it is like to live with Avoidant Personality. 


If you really want to enter into the relationship, and you want it to last, you will need careful guidance, patience, prayer and God.


The Avoidant needs to start the journey 1st

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Before you enter into the relationship, I highly recommend that the person with Avoidant Personality admits they have Avpd and seeks help before you enter into the relationship with them.


The reason for this goes back to the fact that you cant fix them. If you enter into the relationship, but the person has not even admitted they have a problem yet, then it's possible that you could spend years before they finally recognize they need help, or it could be never.


The chances of you having a successful relationship with that person that has Avpd goes up dramatically if they admit they have Avpd, and are on the road to getting the help they need.



Hope

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If all this sounds gloomy, this was intentional to get you to understand the gravity of making a decision to be in, or continue in, a relationship with someone that as Avpd.


If you are not committed, and have not considered the cost involved, then entering into the relationship is going to be impossible. Sooner or later, it will likely fail.


With man though, there is not much hope, but with God, all things are possible, and there is always hope!


If you have prayed on this, are committed, have counted the cost, and you feel that God has told you to proceed, then by all means, do so.


  • Please please please, get help both for yourself and for the Avoidant before you commit
  • Find someone to talk to that understands Avoidant Personality, and what you are, or will be going through
  • Pray, pray and then pray some more
  • Try to find a church that understand Avpd and Mental Health
  • Be patient!


There are many things that we offer that can help


These May Help